Year In Review #1

          This past year, unlike any other, “resilience” was a trait that often seemed out of reach for many. I myself was one of these people. This year was so full of obstacles that I never felt prepared for, yet here I am on the other side. I faced so much loss, yet I had so much to gain once I made it through the hard times. I realize now that while I did not think so at the time, resilience was a quality that I did in fact demonstrate, otherwise I would not be where I am right now. I can think of a few key instances where I felt completely ready to throw in the towel, but I instead tried to use the experiences as a tool to grow, and to try to become an even better version of myself.

 

          So many people lost loved ones in this past year, and I was no different. One of my cousins and my grandmother both passed away, and for one reason or another, I had not been able to actually see either of them in the months before. It felt like one of those things where you sit there and wonder, how do I move on from this? How can I properly grieve when I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye? Because of both of these tremendous losses, I learned how truly important a solid support network is. My family and friends single handedly pulled me through when I felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I learned that asking for help when you need it is not a sign of weakness, but rather one of the strength to admit that you do not need to go through this life on your own. I also learned how easy it can be to take the people in your life for advantage, and I know now in the future to take every chance I have to be with the people that I love, because I’ll never know when it could be my last. 

 

          Something I always struggled with as I went through high school was an immense fear of failure. I had myself convinced that if I didn’t get all A’s, I was doing something wrong. I let this fear follow me into college, and I was mortified when I realized that this mindset was simply not realistic. I was half way through Calculus 2 during my first semester, pulling a solid 65%, and I was completely sure that this was the end times. I ended the class with a C and I simply could not stand the idea of that having an impact on my GPA, so I decided to take the pass/fail route and keep my 4.0. I only sort of felt like a fraud at this point. During my spring semester, I took Multivariable Calculus, and I decided that this time, things would be different. Not only was I going to put in the extra effort to get a grade that I was proud enough of for it to appear on my transcript as is, but I was going to challenge myself to look that grade in the face, and not let it scare me, no matter what. And to my surprise, I did exactly that. I ended the class with a B, and for the first time in my life I was proud to have that B on my transcript. I know to a lot of people this might sound crazy, but my high school self would have never lived that down. I found the strength within myself to power through that crazy hard class, and to come out on the other side with something to show for it. 

 

          I know now upon the reflection of my first year in college during these unprecedented times, I am more resilient than I have given myself credit for. I made it through so many difficult moments and learned how to become a better version of myself along the way. I made so many more connections, and deepened the ones that already mattered most to me. I feel as though I am more prepared to take on what the future has in store for me, but I know now that even when I feel like I am not strong enough, I really am.